Satan Announces Masks Will Still Be Required In Hell

HELL—With the lifting of CDC guidance regarding masks for vaccinated persons, Satan has released a statement assuring the damned that masks will still be required in all levels of hell.

In addition to masks, everyone will be forced to wear glasses that fog up instantly and you can never, ever clean them. Masks will only be of the thick, cloth variety that retains the smell of everything you ate for the past three weeks, and only enough air will get through to stay conscious.

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